The Christian life is a life of
doing good works and loving others as ourselves.
The Pharisees thought it was much more holy to give faith offerings to the temple than to provide for their own parents. They created a loophole from the 5th Commandment!
Then came to Jesus scribes and Pharisees, which were of Jerusalem, saying, Why do thy disciples transgress the tradition of the elders? for they wash not their hands when they eat bread. But he answered and said unto them,
“Why do ye also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition?For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. But ye say, Whosoever shall say to hisfather orhismother,It isa gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; And honour not his father or his mother,he shall be free.Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition.”
(Matthew 15:1-6)
The rich had created a legal way to protect their assets from being consumed by the financial obligations of caring for their own elderly parents.
They could declare some of their assets be put in a type of living trust in the name of the temple. Whatever was in this trust was immune from the legal requirement of caring for parents but would still be available for their own personal use. It was a loophole for the 5th commandment. It is like so many in ministry do today putting their ministry before their family obligations believing that doing so is being holy and sacrificial for the Lord.
It is a common thing for Americans going to a foreign mission to place their children in boarding schools while they are gone away from them for months or years on the mission field. I have also known fellow pastors who have neglected their children because their pastorate is so demanding and consuming of their time. They truly misunderstand the teaching of Christ concerning family obligations.
When the Scripture speaks of qualifications for ministry it does not demand a diploma from an approved Seminary or demand a degree in business management or psychological and social counselling degree or experience.
The qualifications for ministry and that includes the mission field, is this!
One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?) (1 Timothy 3:4-5)
OLD TESTAMENT LAW:
According to Jewish law children (adult children) were obligated to take care of their parents in their old age in fact the fifth commandment reads:
“Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land
which the LORD thy God giveth thee.” (Exodus 20:12)
We tend to think of this commandment as applying to little children but this commandment was given to the adults in the room, not the little ones.
We think of honor as having the simple meaning of, “to respect”, but that is not all that it means. To honor was a legal command with specific legal obligations!
Honour… Honrarium.
An honorarium is a payment given in honor. When a minister is provided a payment from the funeral home for conducting a funeral it is called an honorarium.
The fifth commandment was law and it demanded financial care for aging parents.
An example of the connection between honor and ones wealth is in Proverbs 3:9
Honour the LORD with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase:
(Proverbs 3:9)
According to the teachings of the Jewish Rabbi’s :
“What constitutes "honour?" One must provide them with food and drink and clothing.
One should bring them home and take them out, and provide them with all their needs cheerfully.”
— Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 143:7
And that is the key to honor. Not simply to respect and not simply to provide for but rather “to provide for with respect.”
The commandments were not suggestions but laws. It was the law that the children were to care for the parents when they lost their self dependence. It was also the law that the children perform this duty without enmity but with dignity.
We also misunderstand the last half of that commandment which states, “that your days might be long upon the land that the Lord thy God hath given thee.”
This is a nice way of saying “so that you will not be put to death” .
The penalty for striking or even cursing your parents was execution.
And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death.
(Exodus 21:15)
And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.
(Exodus 21:17)
That might give you an idea how severe this commandment to honor ones father and mother really is.
Our modern society thinks that once we reach the age of 18 we are suddenly independent and free from family obligation. We have been brain washed into seeing family as burdens.
Children are a hinderance and a burden.
They get in the way of personal growth and prosperity
therefore they are better off aborted.
To many Christians today, the connection with elderly parents is seen as having little or no connection to them as their children. Parents are for getting an inheritance.... not for costing us time or money or lifestyle changes.
Years ago the government decided to take over the role of provider from the church and the family for the elderly. As a result we pay nearly 16% of our income towards social security and Medicare. (If you were an employee you might not know that your employer paid as much into your social security as you did! But it was never counted as income!)
This is an issue that I think is worthy of great debate among Christian circles.
On one hand it turns the Government into the provider taking obligation away from family and church. On the other hand the government is fulfilling righteousness by forcing family members to set aside a large portion of their income for the support of parents and handicapped as well as themselves. Most children would not willingly set aside 16 percent of their income to care for their aging parents and relatives. You might think you lay up social security for yourself but actually it is the next generation that is footing the bill for your retirement because social security is a Ponzi scheme. You do not have a personal trust fund!
For the believer, contributing to Social Security does not fulfill our obligations to parents. Care is more than money.
IN THE NEW TESTAMENT!
The church was the original social service agency
for widows without family
The first job of the Deacons of the church: To care for widows.
And in those days, when the number of the disciples was multiplied, there arose a murmuring of the Grecians against the Hebrews, because their widows were neglected in the daily ministration. Then the twelve called the multitude of the disciples unto them, and said, It is not reason that we should leave the word of God, and serve tables. Wherefore, brethren, look ye out among you seven men of honest report, full of the Holy Ghost and wisdom, whom we may appoint over this business. But we will give ourselves continually to prayer, and to the ministry of the word. (Acts 6:1-4)
According to New Testament Scripture, the first obligation to care for widows is relatives: the adult children (including grandchildren) then next of kin: even Nephews do not escape the Biblical ascendency of responsibility.
Honour widows that are widows indeed. But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.
(1 Timothy 5:3-4)
Jesus is our Redeemer Kinsmen. He is obligated to provide for His family. Even while dying on the cross he managed affairs for his mother's care.
The story of Ruth is a touching example of the Bible’s strong doctrine of familial responsibility. The Redeemer Kinsmen: the doctrine of strong obligation for the closest relative to take care of those who are related- even if not in the immediate family or area.
The New Testatment teaching is that if a man ignores the needs of his relatives he is worse than a pagan unbeliever or atheist – because in Bible times even unbelievers believed in caring for their famiy
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
(1 Timothy 5:8)
There is a bumper sticker that is entertaining as well as true. It says, “Be kind to your children for they will choose your nursing home.” It may be tongue and cheek but all too often the children want to send their ailing parent away to a home- not because it is best for the parent but because the child does not want the bother.
Conclusion:
How each family is able to fulfill the fifth commandment is going to vary widely. Some parents prefer nursing home care to living with their children.
Sometimes the care is more than is feasible for taking care of them at home and it really is best for them to get the necessary care in a nursing home. Also, we live in a mobile society where families live thousands of miles apart or cannot afford a large enough house or apartment for caring for the parent.
The financial arrangements have changed as have our civil laws that interfere with care.
For instance the government will pay 8 to 10 thousand a month to place a parent in a nursing home. Two parents of course is double that amount… 16 to 20 thousand a month. If a family applies for government aid the family member that cares for the parent will get minimum wage for 40 hours a week and an umbrella agency pockets the rest.
It is obvious that the government does not want the home to be the place of love and care but want corporations that can pay out political donations to be overly funded.
The same goes for home schooling. All the odds are against the home schooling family. Building space, text books, time, food, etc. and yet the homeschooling family not only pays for all of their own expenses but the parent cannot bring in income because they are locked into the home to teach, yet they also must pay thousands of dollars to the public school system each year. The public school public selfishly maintain that they be the only ones to get funding from government coffers for education. You see, it is not the children they care about… it is their own educational temples and cultural, politcal agendas they care about.
If my mother had been in a nursing home for the past 5 years the government would take her social security, money and property to pay that 8 thousand dollars a month for her care. However, if our family received that 8 thousand dollars a month not only could someone afford to leave their jobs for full time care but could easily pay for equipment and pay other caretakers to come and help.
In fact in five years our family would have earned 480 thousand dollars, paid the government back for the house if we wanted it back at all and after paying for all the care and equipment still make a profit of more than 200 thousand dollars. ( Instead of going in the pockets of political donors and big corporations.)
What I am saying is that cradle to grave care by the government is not what it appears to be and is not only wasteful but diminishes the role of church and family in our society.
Regrettably, we are no longer an agrarian society. Families drift apart rather than work together and depend on each other for support. Americans think of themselves as independent individuals rather than enjoying the assurance that comes from being a close family operating as a collective, loving and caring for one another, rising or falling together in sickness or in health for richer or poorer.
We must awaken to realize our Biblical obligations... something unpopular in this pop culture Christianity of today. We must not put it off just because the world or society or friends think we are crazy for being involved in our parents care, and sacrificing to do so. It is a Christian necessity that we do not cast them off when they need us most.
As my mother likes to say….” It sure ain’t easy getting old… but it ain’t hard either.”
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